I hate when people ask me the dreaded “Is he sleeping through the night?”. For one, it’s none of your damn business. Secondly, you know they are waiting for you to say no, so then they can offer their advice or their platitudes or worse: both. Normally I can shut the person up fairly quickly when I respond to their platitudes with “Well, it’s not really that bad. He sleeps with me, so I just whip out my boob (which, let’s face it, is probably already hanging out. If I even have a shirt on in the first place.) hook him up and fall back to sleep.”
But, the truth is… it is a big deal. Not the ‘not sleeping through the night’ part, that doesn’t really bother me; (Except that lately it’s EVERY TWO HOURS.) it’s the getting him to bed. Sometimes, when he first goes down, it’s every hour. Or half hour. And then there’s the fact that recently it’s taking me 1 -2 hours to get him to sleep. And I still have yet to eat dinner, drink a beverage, fold three baskets of laundry, wash a butt-load of diapers, and clean the dinner dishes. To the dinner I haven’t gotten to eat yet. Not to mention the fact that I’d like a few minutes to play on the internet, write my blog post, write my novel, sit quietly on the sofa.
I know that he’s teething, and he has a cold. But, lately bedtime is brutal. I nurse him, he falls asleep, I go for the crib transfer (our bed is really high, I don’t really like him in it alone; the crib is next to the bed), he wakes up. I snuggle him, he falls asleep, I try again for the crib transfer, he wakes up. We snuggle, he falls asleep, I decide ‘fuck the crib’ and surround him with pillows on the bed. I go downstairs and collapse on the sofa and turn on an episode of Revenge. Before it’s even over, I hear him crying over the monitor. Repeat the above.
I just want a block of 3 hours when he goes to sleep to clean, write, and relax. I don’t care when he wakes up at night. That doesn’t bother me (Well, I mean, it sucks but it is what it is.). But, I need those three hours in order to be a functioning mom. Lately, I’ve been giving up and just going to bed with him. Which means, I don’t get any alone time. Which means, with Rob’s schedule, that it is All About H from the moment I wake up he wakes me up to the moment we fall asleep together. And don’t get me wrong, it should be & I love it, but I need some time to myself! Not to mention, time to keep our house remotely habitable!
But, I know it will pass. I know that he will get used to the crib. I know that his teething and cold will go away. And I know that one day I will look back and long for the days when we just cuddled each other from dawn till dusk. And until he falls asleep easier and stays asleep longer I will soak up every snuggle, be thankful for every teary mama*, and rejoice in every sleepy smile.
*(ok, ok… lately it’s more of an ‘ahma’… way to nitpick and ruin the sentimentality of the last paragraph be-otch! ;))