This TAT topic was so perfect for me that I couldn’t NOT post! My BABY! Is turning ONE! Can you believe it? Because I sure can’t! So, of course, I have to throw him the BEST party. Now, I don’t know why I feel this way. He’s ONE! He’s not going to remember the cute cupcakes or the perfect decorations or the awesome photo booth. And, yes, I know this party is for me, for surviving my first year of motherhood. And yes, I deserve a party. But why do I feel the need to make it just so? Why do I feel the need to handcraft & personalize every detail: from the invitation to the photo booth props to the decorations. Why can’t I just buy a pre-made “Happy First Birthday” banner, some crepe paper streamers and be done with it?
I have figured out the reason: for the pictures. When I imagine the party, it is through still images. When I picture it in my mind, it is through a box of photos: an image of the perfect cupcakes, a shot of the perfect smash cake… I mean… this is how Holden will see it when he’s older. I will be telling him about his first party he ever had and how awesome it was… and I will have photos of the awesomness to back me up. He can see that I loved him so much I was willing to handcraft almost every detail so that his special day was perfectly decorated. Not that he will ever really care, but still.
And I guess it’s for me too. Because, I want everything documented. Maybe because motherhood is so messy and frustrating and unpredictable in between all the adorable moments I want some photos that are perfect and orderly. Maybe it’s my way of controlling what I can. I mean, let’s face it: that grabbed-the-camera-on-the-spur-of-the-moment snapshot of his first steps is going to have a background of dog fur, dirty laundry and toymageddon. I at least want a few moments to be captured perfectly backdropped.
Crazy? Probably. But then, who among us mothers isn’t?